I don’t have real trauma.

Trigger Warning: Please take care of yourself and don't read this if you are not in a good place. ⁠

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I used to think I needed to have witnessed something catastrophic - combat, rape, murder, domestic violence - for my experiences to qualify as real trauma. I thought, "My stuff isn't that bad and besides I can handle it on my own." My body quickly challenged that assumption with uncontrollable shaking and paralysis when in certain situations that resembled where my trauma took place. ⁠I started avoiding places where that fear would bubble up to the surface. I knew I needed the help of a counselor.

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Fast forward to grad school when I learned more about trauma. Researcher and psychotherapist, Kristi Kanel PhD, states that, "Perhaps the most important aspect of a crisis is how the person perceives the situation." I read that line and alarm bells went off in my head. 

It's not the event itself, but rather, what the event meant to the person (and how the person is affected) that defines trauma. Two people could go through the same event and be affected completely differently. If you perceived an event as threatening your life in some way - regardless of what type of event - that can be classified as trauma. 

Much of my work as a counselor is helping to validate people’s emotions and experience. As with other things, comparing traumas does nothing for us. It’s not helpful or even accurate to look at someone else’s trauma and conclude that your experience wasn’t as “bad.” 

Whether you experienced emotional abuse from a parent you were in a severe car accident, if it was bad enough to adversely affect you psychologically, then it was trauma. If it was traumatic for you, then it was traumatic for you period.