Healing After Divorce
If you’re here, the odds are that you went through a divorce recently. Divorce is awful, regardless of the circumstances. You are likely in excruciating pain, and are looking for relief and healing. Maybe there is also a part of you that knows the truth that we often grow the most through difficult experiences. You’re here to make sure you learn the lesson that your divorce has to teach you, so that you can become a stronger, healthier you in the process. Whatever your reasons for reading this post right now, please know this: healing and thriving post-divorce is absolutely possible. Here are some ways to help facilitate the healing process:
Make space for grief. Give yourself permission to feel all the feels. Again, regardless of the circumstances surrounding your divorce, there are losses. There may be lost dreams of spending the rest of your life with one person. There may be lost economic resources. There may be a loss of lifestyle and a certain routine. And there may also be simple losses like the loss of having someone sleeping next to you. Whatever the losses, make space for yourself to fully grieve them. This may look like allowing yourself to cry whenever you start to experience sadness or this might look like scheduling time to journal your feelings.
Allow yourself time to take breaks. You have permission to binge watch TV shows, but go for comedy instead of romance. Sometimes we need some distance from our pain in order to heal. Just make sure to also make space and time for grieving.
Self-care. Be sure to regularly engage in activities that bring you joy and pleasure. This might look like getting a massage, taking a hot bath, reading a book, or going hiking. You might not feel radically better right away, but keep it up! Healing will not come overnight, but self-care is an important part of long term healing and growth.
Exercise regularly. This is also self-care but I am including it separately because exercise is so very important. Exercise releases endorphins, and has been shown to be one of the most effective ways to move through the stress cycle. It can also naturally aid depression and anxiety symptoms which are common after a divorce.
Rediscover who you are by looking back at who you were before the relationship and trying new things. Often after being in a long term relationship, we can forget who we were outside of that relationship. It’s important to rediscover and redefine who you are now. The best way to do this is to reflect on who you were before the relationship. Look at old pictures or journals. Talk to friends and family who knew you then. You might also try some new activities or take up things you used to do before to see if they resonate with who you are now.
Seek out friendship. It can be easy to feel lonely after a divorce. To help with this, seek out friendship with others. Rekindle friendships from the past or find new friends. Go to Meetup groups and other events.
Talk to a counselor or find a support group. Having a professional or other people who understand what you are going through can be extremely helpful in moving through divorce and becoming a happier, healthier self on the other side.
Here are a few things to avoid as they might hinder your healing:
Don’t compare yourself to others, and especially not your ex. Everyone goes through their own process after a relationship ends and you need to go through yours. Often people look at their exes and it seems like their ex is doing much better than they are. You have no idea how that person is really doing and knowing would not be helpful anyway. Focus on your own healing.
Don’t jump back into dating right away. It is important that you take the time that you need to fully heal before getting back in another relationship. You need time to do you and rediscover who you are. This will set you up to be healthier once you do get back into that next relationship.