Surviving the Holidays After a Divorce
I remember telling a friend the first holiday season of my separation, “I wish I could literally go to sleep and wake up in January.” The prospect of having to go through the holiday season alone for the first time was terrifyingly overwhelming. All of the co-workers and acquaintances casually asking, “What are you doing for the holidays?” All of the societal expectations for a happy and full holiday season. All of the silence and loneliness. All of the grief when I think about holidays of the past. That first year I coped by traveling on Christmas day - simultaneously keeping myself busy and pretending it was just another day. The process has certainly gotten easier over the years, but I am still walking this road, especially during this year of COVID. Yet, I have learned a few things along the way. Here a few tips to help smooth your path towards surviving the holidays after a divorce:
Do what you need to find comfort: It is okay to check out and binge watch that show for a while. But also make time to feel your feelings. Cry and let out all the deep feelings of grief over the end of your marriage and all the other endings that this year brought you. Read and be creative. Practice Hygge to bring more light into this dark season.
Start your own traditions apart from your ex: Consider and discover what would be meaningful for you. This may include spending time with your chosen family and friends. Instituting a new tradition of making cookies or going to the movies can help you make the holidays your own and bring back some of the joy of the season.
Double up on Self-Care: Find ways to continue to move your body and exercise. This will help you move through some of the stress of the season a little better. Self-care may also include reaching out to family, friends, and your therapist as needed and as you are able. You don’t have to completely isolate yourself. Connection can happen via phone, text, or Zoom even during a pandemic.
Find Ways to Nurture Hope: Endings are beginnings too. Death can be a birth and births have deaths in them. Funerals lead to new things. Yes, I am speaking very metaphorically, but you can’t deny that you just experienced the death of your marriage. Now what? What new life could spring from this? I know it is hard to see much of a future right now, but all I am asking is that you keep your heart open that things might get better, that you will get through this, and you will find happiness and wholeness again. One great way to nurture hope are to read or listen to the stories of people who went through hard times (double points for divorces) and came out stronger on the other side. If you are spiritual or religious, you might lean into practices around this season to nurture hope as well.